Life has been quite hard on me recently. There are several mental breakdowns and ups i had in less than 10 weeks in my semester 2 here in shah alam. there are days i regret choosing this path, there are days im grateful for such an amazing life i had. theres also in between - a grey, blurry, in denial days
telling myself that 'all is fine, take it easy, you can do this' as those has been my life principle ever since my teen days, sometimes is just a mantra that has been echoing in my mind but my body seems doesnt reflect to it. im tired, my face frown 24/7, i isolate myself from crowd, skip meals, born to be a lone ranger. sometimes it surprised me how strong i actually was, looking back at the days when i have to wake up early and spend 5-7 mins walking alone to bus stop, wait for the bus, walk to class, clueless, juggling between moot, studies and assignments piling up, not to mention financial problem until i have to skip meals even though im in extreme hunger, yada yada. plus those days when i only have 10 ringgit left to survive for a week, and days when it takes a lot of guts to ask for money from my parents, yet at the same time im still become a huge disappointment to everyone. lifeless, me
its exhausting to think of those, im usually kind of person who always positive, i live for happy thoughts, but its tiring to live in that dimension anymore because in real life, i'd been beaten to death with so many never-ending shits i had to go through, it simply doesnt work that way. we ignore the truth for a temporary happiness.
its easy to feel disappointed and sad about all poop life chucks at you but its better to remember your mom's pajeri terung, rm1 green tea aiskrim malaysia from dc's mart, choc's indulgence, safiya's daily rambles, amir's warm voice, and Burger King's Tendergrill that life hands to you
i went home for 5 days (including 6 hours classes had been skipped with no regrets) last week, had the best time of my life with all familiar faces who loves me eternally :)
bloom // troye sivan
photos credit : weheartit
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