The Miss-Forgetful + Miss-Grateful

Before I hit the sack, I just want to pen down everything that have been happening this past week. Im currently having my sem break, and its always good to be home. So many things happened, good and bad.

First, we got 2^nd place for Inter-part Mooting Competition. It was indeed remarkable, it never crossed our mind to go to semi final, which only top 4 teams were chosen based on our marks. Second, it was in our wildest dream to actually made it to final, and alhamdulillah we actually made it to final !!! and placed as runner up was beyond amazing. The bond between my teammates and the coaches now are tighten, we are now a one big family. Im going to miss every single thing that we did for past three weeks, sad beautiful tragic I must say. But now, it took me forever to digest the fact that we won this competition, it was amazing and I hope this will embark my spirit more in my mooting journey. I really want to do something remarkable and significance in my life, and I hope with mooting, which I had set a place in my heart helps me to go through it inshaallah

Next, it still fresh in my mind how shitty I felt on the night after the first day of interpart, I ACTUALLY LEFT MY KEYS INSIDE MY ROOM, AND NO ONE WAS IN THERE CAUSE ALL MY ROOMATES WERE IN THEIR HOMETOWN ALREADY. I was in all merry, lighthearted mood while walking to my room when suddenly while standing in front of the door, scouting for the keys inside my bag, I remember not bringing any keys with me while going out that morning. I pinch the door knob countless times with high hopes that the door will magically opened, but to no avail. I smashed it, pinch, smashed, pinch, and then .. tired and scared..I literally sit against the door, cover my face and started crying. I took out my phone, inform my teammates that I cant enter my room, I made a voice note and all of them actually can detect my shaky voice. I just cant hide it anymore, leaving a key behind is definitely a too much for me. Plus, we had semi final on the next day, and I must not become the one who will drag the team down tomorrow, I must help aina my teammate who we had agreed on to submit on the next day by doing some bit research. I must focus, I must not distracted ! I try to be compose myself, be in my character, I started thinking for solutions. I called my floor wing capten, but was greeted by the phone operator voice. I try again and again but hm. Grshhhh why you must not pick up the phone at this dire moment ?!!! kalau dalam group whatsapp laju pulak !!!!!!!!!

Adriana and shiffa came help. I love you girls so much, adriana, stupidly trying to smash the door with her body, YOURE GOING TO INJURED YOURSELF BABY PLUS THATS NOT HELPING AT ALL !!! and shiffa already in her pyjama and piece of clothe (?) covering her head went down to the guard post to inform regarding the incident. And luckily the guard gave her the number of srk (not shah rukh khan, just warden) who was on duty on that night. Im very thankful en zahirudin was such a nice person, he said the only option left was kopak the pintu, but nothing can be done on that night cause its too late already. But the warmth of his voice and his comforting words really calm me down a bit, and I started to feel better. I decided to sleep in shiffa’s room on that night, try to forget for a moment on what had happened, showered, pray and went down to bilik bacaan to help aina. I was a bit carefree at the moment cause im not the one who will submit for semi final, but the least I can do was helping aina out as much as I can. It was almost 11.30 and both of us decided to go to sleep, it was a super long day and we have to get a quality sleep for semi final, and probably final perhaps :) so we packed, wish each other goodnight and walked to our room respectively.

It was 12.30 am something when someone knocked on the door and luckily shiffa opened it, my vision was blurry, but I believe it was aina asking me to check my phone, then she walked away. Sleepy, I checked my phone, 4 misscalls, from my coach, it was nami. Gulp

THEY WANT ME TO SUBMIT FOR SEMI FINAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im lost for words. I told nami what had actually happened, and how tired and shitty and distracted I felt at the moment. But again, another warmth voice, comforting voice echoed in my ears on the breezy morning, he told me to fuck everything else, both he and abs hv high faith in me even when I doubt myself. I nod, then I agreed to it. I set my alarm to 4am, losing myself in my own train of thoughts, and finally asleep

And again I thank Allah for all the blessings, won semi final round, made it to final, winning 2^nd placed. And thats the end of it :) about my keys, alhamdulillah on that night they sent me the technician, he kopak the door and gave me a replacement key. I packed my stuff, with music blasting, took a shower, and carrying all my stuff to Una’s room cause im sleeping there. 4.30 am, requested an uber ride, off to kl sentral. My ets scheduled on approxximately 7am.

So yeah, I went home bringing my winning trophy, proudly shoved it in front of my mom and safiya as soon as I entered the car. Day by day, everything was good and normal, except on Thursday when I went to bank rakyat to claim my debit card, and later that night I realize my IC wasn’t there in my wallet. I panicked. Shit happening again ofcourse I freaked out. Why I tend to misplaced everything?? why I am so clumsy and careless ?? why I always burdening myself and most importantly, other people? Shit happens, I know, but when it hapenned frequently, I almost couldn’t forgive myself. In the end, yea I actually left it at the counter at bank rakyat, luckily the staff kept it for me. Phewh.

***

29/10/2017  7.11 pm

So.. hello back, again I want to pen down one of the most incredible thing that had happened to me recently. Oh anyway, I have MLS and Consti test tomorrow, and guess what, im studying the wrong lecture slides, no wonder they looks too simple. Dammit

Ok whatever, before I shove my head into the books, I want to remember yesterday. I went to moot audition. Its an audition to become a mooter, and soon will be competing in Namco/Vis competition according to your ranks. I went to the audition, even though I doubt myself. Ive been contemplating whether I should go or not, bcs my greatest concern is of course - time management. Im afraid I will neglect my studies, which should be my priorities. But I went it anyway cause I want to give my best shot. I had prepared everything few day before, I helped one of my friend who slightly had no experience in mooting almost every night, I went to practice submit in front of other coach, I try to record myself submitting and gradually improve from it. I practised answering questions that had been asked by my coaches before during training. I thought they were all not suffice cause I myself were not in a serious mood, im just doing it for the sake of not want to look dumb in front of the judges during audition later on.

So, a lot of people came to the audition, I myself as usual, feel intimidated by everyone. I almost packed my things to go home cause I swear im gonna jinx myself again in the audition room. My turn was 11, and they were all 35 people in the room so I finish pretty early. During the audition, I think I was pretty good, I answer their questions quite well, my voice projection were good, and it seems like they impressed with me. I swear I wasn’t expecting that, why it never happen to me while I submit during 1^st round and semi final during interpart where there were many eyes on me ??? hahah kidding. So after my turn was over, we stayed in the waiting room for a while, and then we decided to go have breakfast+lunch+dinner (yes I hadnt eat all day) outside. That was when, my head started spinning and aching like hell. I feel like vomitting at the moment. I only had two suap nasi ayam lemon, finished my syrup lemon and instantly went back to faculty. We took Grab on the way there, and my friends forced me to just go back to college to rest, cause it seems like my headache was worsening, which it really was. While they went straight to the faculty for the announcement of the result.

I personally don’t really mind what my rank was, bcs I knew I had already gave my best. Went into my room, change clothes, took shower and go straight to sleep, I can actually feel my body temperature increasing and I started breathing fast. It was so cold. I intend to sleep for two hours, wake up next to check my phone for any updates. But jeez, I only slept for one hour when i realized it was shiffa in front of my room talking to my roomate, then the door closed and she went away. My sight were vague, and im too weak to call her back. So I reached for my phone, in case the results were already out

I SWEAR IM LOST FOR WORDS. IM BEYOND HAPPY AND EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED AND CONGRATULATE ME AND PROUD OF ME. IT WAS A GREAT FEELING. LIKE..WOW I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING WAS PAID OFF, THE STRUGGLE MAY LOOK SIMPLE AND NOTHING BUT THEY ACTUALLY WORTH IT. MY COACHES TOO WERE DAMN PROUD OF ME, NOBODY THOUGHT I COULD HOLD 2^nd PLACE OVERALL, ME MYSELF TOO.

It was a great, amazing day. And oh yeah, please pray for my health, it seems worsening these days plus I have two test tomorrow and I must kill those two. Thanks for reading !

moot moot

Phew, it took quite some time for me to summon all my mental capacity and overcome my sloth to try and get back in my writing grooves. It was really hard to be zoned out, put aside the piles of assignments and mooting stuff and pending meetings, I am glad that im finally a bit carefree at this moment, I'm currently perched on a seat, cancelling out the noise in this computer section in library with Kuizz's Silences ft Haneri.. It has been so long since the last time I properly pen down my thoughts here, my greatest escape from reality! 

Really, my life has been such whirlwind since the weekend escapade I had with diana and syahidah, when, out of nowhere came to meet me here in shah alam. It was a great meet-ups even though just for a couple of hours, but it was suffice enough to cure my homesick, at least theyre like the closest to..my ’home’. Oh and also want to remember the kl trip I had with shiffa to kl previously on Friday (guys it had been two weeks), it was really really fun even though it was tiring cause we walked a lot around the city, but shiffa who has breadth of knowledge regarding public transport had showed me on how to use them, bought tokens at the tokens machine, ride mrt (highlight of the trip !), go to different stations and the feelings when u walked out of the stations and the view of different skyline looming ahead, exciting ! the best part about it is im experiencing so many firsts with my bestfriend, my first time eating Kyochon, my first time riding Mrt, my first time visiting Duck store which I have always wanted to visit, my first time wandering aimlessly around the city, just us and the world, commitments-free

Kuala Lumpur

Shah Alam

                                                                                                                                                   ♥

Well, the carefree-ness does not last long, so couple of days before I have been thinking of joining Interpart Mooting Competition which was held by the law faculty. I think it was a great platform for me to delve more in the world of legal practices, even though im still in my first semester. But the exposure is crucial right, so that when you know a lot of things in the course you’re taking, the knowledge you have will carve the path for you to achieve your goals and your dreams. It will become the catalyst, driving force for you to pursue it, so I think I want to give myself a chance to be out of my comfort zone, it has been so long since the last time I involve in a competition, the trepidation, the anxiety, I feel like im ready for it. Plus, it’s a team competition, so one team will be competing another team, which I think was cool cause at least i have to share the burdened with the others hahaha

But guys, I was wrong. I was wrong from the beginning, from the time I have thought about this competiton, from the time I first set my foot here, from the time I accepted the law degree offer, from the time I was borne, I was COMPLETELY wrong. It has been almost two weeks, and it was a one of the hellish ride I have ever experienced in my life. I woke up everyday with anxiety thinking about my submissions still lacking, the moment when your coaches gives homework during the training and demand them on the same day, spent the whole night doing research and walked to college from the faculty at subuh, skipping meals, lost count how many times I cried thinking how dumb and lacking I was compared to the other teammates, the trepidation u felt in every training sessions cause u don’t want to upset the coaches cause u didn’t prepared well for it, spent hours in front of the screen scouting for cases and authorities to support my grounds, no more quality sleep even though my body was tired but end up sleeps two hours later, arduous training, mentally drained, socially deprived, it was goddamn the greatest plot-twist in my life so far. I wish I can penned down in detailed on the things I had experienced in my mooting journey, but I am so bad at it,  I hope it remains as one of the ‘sweetest’ memories I had here in my mind, hope so. and all in all, i am so proud of myself to do crazy things that i dont think i will be able to do before 

But on the good side, I feel like my teams and I have a good chemistry, well of course because we were classmates during asasi, but the bond just have tighten more. We were so closed especially the girls, very supportive towards each other, and always have backs on each other, including the coaches, Nami and Abs ! Nami was great, very kind and generous, he always bought us supper especially when we finished training at midnight, usually at 2am, and offer rides to our college cause its very far from the faculty. Abs, don’t mess with this girl. She’s a genius, very committed and I cant even imagine her ‘resting-bitch face’ she gave everytime during submissions, total nightmare. the moment she bombard you with questions during your submissions, that is when you started questioning your life. But I love her, she have myriad personalities which I really adore, she really committed, willing to abandon her free time to have training sessions with us even though we all know she was busy preparing for Boston, she always tired but we are her priorities, she spilled so much knowledge which were all helpful in improving our skills yada yada, she care for each and one of us, she’s like a loving sister to us, her advices and hugs were so comforting, really. Thank you didn’t suffice. Everytime I feel like giving up, I always think of them and their sacrifices and their faith in us, they have devoted and sacrifices a lot of things, and the least I can do is make them proud by winning this competition !

I think that is all for now, I wish I can spill more but I have another things to do so, thanks for reading, au revoir !