Boulevard of broken dreams

Life has been quite hard on me recently. There are several mental breakdowns and ups i had in less than 10 weeks in my semester 2 here in shah alam. there are days i regret choosing this path, there are days im grateful for such an amazing life i had. theres also in between - a grey, blurry, in denial days

                                                                         

telling myself that 'all is fine, take it easy, you can do this' as those has been my life principle ever since my teen days, sometimes is just a mantra that has been echoing in my mind but my body seems doesnt reflect to it. im tired, my face frown 24/7, i isolate myself from crowd, skip meals, born to be a lone ranger. sometimes it surprised me how strong i actually was, looking back at the days when i have to wake up early and spend 5-7 mins walking alone to bus stop, wait for the bus, walk to class, clueless, juggling between moot, studies and assignments piling up, not to mention financial problem until i have to skip meals even though im in extreme hunger, yada yada. plus those days when i only have 10 ringgit left to survive for a week, and days when it takes a lot of guts to ask for money from my parents, yet at the same time im still become a huge disappointment to everyone. lifeless, me

its exhausting to think of those, im usually kind of person who always positive, i live for happy thoughts, but its tiring to live in that dimension anymore because in real life, i'd been beaten to death with so many never-ending shits i had to go through, it simply doesnt work that way. we ignore the truth for a temporary happiness.

its easy to feel disappointed and sad about all poop life chucks at you but its better to remember your mom's pajeri terung, rm1 green tea aiskrim malaysia from dc's mart, choc's indulgence, safiya's daily rambles, amir's warm voice, and Burger King's Tendergrill that life hands to you

i went home for 5 days (including 6 hours classes had been skipped with no regrets) last week, had the best time of my life with all familiar faces who loves me eternally :)

bloom // troye sivan

                                                              

photos credit : weheartit

Updated life in a nutshell

I cant believe its already 26^th, but to be honest I do feel like this month is the longest month I’d ever lived in my entire life. When you wake up tomorrow, its still 27^th january, when in fact you already feel like its 64^th. Sigh..but deep down, im grateful that january doesnt end yet, digesting the fact that we are already in 2018 is something so incredulous to me. i feel like 2017 just went by like a piece of rag being carried away by strong wind and lost in the air. It feels like my grip to something that im holding on to is slowly loosing and I kept on regretting that. I still remember the night of the new year, when everyone else went celebrating it outside, I was in my room at the college, so-called studying, but I made myself a cup of hot chocolate drinks while watching fireworks virtually on everyone’s instastory. Boring but somehow I didn’t regret staying in my room, because at least all my friends and my roomates were there with me. When the clock strikes 12, ‘happy new year anis’ they said. I wish them the same thing too, and then we had some banters before we hit the sack respectively. What a sedentary lifestyle I had

I really miss writing to be honest, I miss spilling out my thoughts even though theyre not something significant that you can ponder all day long. But that just what I love to do, started writing without having a direction, it really feels like a great escape. However if this is an english essay, I probably scored only 4/10. 4 for effort for writing many paragraphs and exceeding minimum word counts and also for the ink I’d wasted. Sometimes I do thought about writing something meaningful, so that people can gain something when theyre done reading my posts. But that requires me to gather all my thoughts and be able to finally type it out, and also overcome my sloth to try and get back in my writing grooves. However, 1. I don’t have readers 2. gathering my thoughts will take usually a year minimum, plus theyre rubbish. Not a cool idea. So im going to just rant about my life, the end

Early this year, I just finished with my final exam, I choose to skip that because that was such a terrible kickstart of 2018. I had several mental breakdowns in between the paper gaps, and all I wish was for the exam to end faster and go home. Believe it or not, the last time I was home was back in october, evidence is in my latest post which was written back in october when I was having my one week mid-sem break at home. Moving on, lately ive been forced to deal with the realities of the world and IM TERRIFIED. Next sem I will be living outside, cause no more college will be provided. Well, they do but its going to be so tough and the chances to get college for next sem is really 0.01 % especially when you less involved in college activities to claim for college coupons. Living outside of the campus really give me the feeling of uneasiness. I just had a lot of things in my mind. My life has been in a constant turmoil ever since. Meeting house agents, constant talk of $$$$$$, finding significance in my life both now and in the future, the anxiety I feel towards the inevitable unknown that is the dim of light is not as scary as it used to be. Believe me, writing about this alone is really making me feel discomfort. Did I mentioned about me only having one week break when it supposed to be a month of sem break ? yeah im currently reading a scholarly journal on fair and equittable treatment under international investment law, a very Greek article to me. But I have no choice, for the sake of namco which will be held by the end of march this year, a lot of things I had to sacrifice, and yet being fully committed to this.

Now lets hop into some less-stress inducing matter. Here im going to share some photos from happier days.

despite having stress over chapters i had to covered for final exam, at least im grateful that my study table at college which used to be so messy now looking wide and 'less-chaos'. i remember spent the whole morning de-cluttering my stuff and i just enjoyed the productive morning so much

Stranger Things // How to Get Away with Murder

this two series are one of things that went on during my disappearance from this blog

Both Stranger Things and How To Get Away with Murder, omg why didn't I start sooner. I watched Stranger Things bcs i dont want to miss the bandwagon since this series had become the talk of the town, and true, i finished both season 1 and 2 in just 3 days perhaps? i love the whole squad so much ! For HTGAWM,  I love this show but I'm still in the first season. They're at season 4 or 5 now. But anyway, I was hooked since the first episode. It's basically about these law students who are in a Criminal Law class, and they basically deal with real murder cases in court. But with a twist. Just watch the first episode and you'll get what I mean. It's really good and you don't really know what's actually going on unless you keep watching. You figure it out as the series progresses and I love it.

GOOD FOOD

Kedai Makan Fei dan Ali - please try the salted tempura rice ! highly recommended

 

Coboroy - i love the shell out concept, chilli chicken rice also good ! 

even take away the chilli chicken, cause it tastes so good ! request for more chilli flakes if you want extra spicy

Gula Cakery -  i cant remember the name on the menu of the spagetti carbonara, but i think it has 'mac and cheese' something in the name. it tastes really good ! the sauce is so creamy, everything on the plate is perfect ! the mango cake was also not a disappointment. This place is famous for their dessert, so for those who have guilty pleasure for desserts, put this place on your bucket list !

Shiffa's greatest escape, EHSAN !!! the concept is like a high-class 'mamak' cause they served mamak food, i love the naan cheese, palatable and spoon-and-fork licking good ! quite pricey for a mamak food but worth it

Restoran Ani Sup Utara - heck i wish i know this place earlier, i really love this type of dish, feels like home ! For RM 7.50 , you can get a plate of rice added with salted egg, sliced cucumber, sambal and also a bowl of soup. So goooooooood !!!!!

Home

Zaid is into archery now and he's a pro already, went to so many competitions and winning some too !

went out with my bestfriend, Zarifah yesterday ! Initially we planned to go to Pantai Merdeka to have the famous 'cendol ice cream' there, but we're running out of time yesterday so just had dinner at the newly-opened kfc in my hometown, it was really fun to spend time together after so long !

How safiyya is being bullied

Some random shots

post-forum, photo was taken at 7pm hahaha excuse the 'barai' face

Funfair night out !

Library night out with adriana searching for reference books - one of the stressful nights i had there

♥

till next post ♥

Life after asasi

Hellooooo !!!

Its been more or less 3 weeks since the last time I updated my blog. Lets be frank, my new year’s resolution to blog more this year…is not happening hahaha :’) I left Asasi about 3 weeks ago, and nothing much had changed recently. Still having the withdrawals, missing my friends, housemates, the great taste of penumbuk mangga (mango punch). ohh..I always had mango punch for lunch, dinner ! The sweetness and richness of the mango itself is something that ive been dearly craving for days. Even if I had class at 8 in the morning, dropping by at the drinks stall to buy mango punch is a must. Starting your day with the only mango punch specially made in uitm dengkil, is really..something, you will feel great for the whole day ! okay hyperbole detected ^^ but seriously, mango punch has become my holy grail ever since, I desperately want it right now…… other than that, I also miss my ‘lepak’ place - the wakaf ! the wakaf is just the opposite of my house, my house is on level 3 by the way. I always find solace at the wakaf, so many things had been shared there with my friends, so many secrets had been spilled there. And wakaf is like a ‘rest and go’ station for the Dahlia girls, like they will sit there while waiting for their friends before/after class, or just baring-baring. So many birthday parties had been held there, farewell party, since my house is really the opposite and we’re only on level 3, almost every word uttered by the girls can actually be heard, apatah lagi time korang karaoke lah, gossipping lah. Sometimes listening to all the rants and listening to all the songs with wrong lyrics that you guys nyanyi, really amused me. So its some kind of stress reliever la jugak, even sometimes annoying af sebab bising kan. But yeah, I miss the wakaf, I usually spend most of the time there, alone, drown in my own ocean of thoughts, it is really peaceful, especially early in the morning.

Enough with throwback sessions, lets face the reality. Life update ? after two weeks of repeating the same thing over and over again - eating-sleeping-reading-online-eating-sleeping-reading-online..the list goes on - I finally decided to start scouting for jobs. My only sole purpose is of course I need my money grows in my bank account. Alhamdulillah I got a job at a legal firm owned by my one of my dad’s friend/ex-batchmate back in IIUM. To be frank, im not applying there by myself, my dad just merely texting his friend who is now my boss and the next day, is my first day there. Thank you so much for this golden opportunity :’) Its been a week (well, not even a week- 4 days since last Monday is a public holiday so I started working on Tuesday). I can say that I can cope myself very well, get along with the staffs very well. I am the youngest there, since I just finished asasi. So they don’t know what to expect from me. I reckon my job scope basically revolves around arranging files, typing, photostate/printing stuffs or READING FILES, oh you know all the things that freshies do on their firsts days *blowing nails* but damn not *slaps hard in the face* Past few days Ive been completing almost 10+ files related to summons - serve judgement, aos, deraf penghakiman, saman tnb. So many terms im not familiar with but I can say im just a fast learner. What I am most grateful for is the staffs there, since im the youngest, I was treated like…how should I say this? But I looked like a youngest child in the family. They are very friendly and helpful, even when they are super busy , they still help me whenever I asked them on how to do this and that. Besides being busy, they joked around among themselves a lot that I laugh tears every day. Did I just said my only sole purpose is for salary so that the numbers in my bank account growing ? I was wrong, being there for just 4 days - I learned a lot. I realized these are the things im going to learn in degree years soon since I was placed in litigation section. Also my chambering days soon inshaallah will be easy since im already doing the stuffs that the chambering students do. Determination, self-perseverence, hardwork, responsibility are the things im currently instilling in myself. Because all the cases revolves around local people and big company, one tiny mistake, you will face a heavy consequences which I myself don’t know what its going to be. What stays in the office, stay in the office. Focus is everything. My journey is still long there, so I cant say much. Lets wait for another two weeks or so :)

Life update ? my life has been going upside down in two days !! - but in a good way. Today i spend the whole day sleeping, the next day i find myself eyes fixed on computer screen, fingers gracefully typing, forehead wrinkles, lip-syncing the songs played on the radio, surrounded by mountains of files in my own cubicle. 2 minutes later i am crouching on the floor searching for missing files/papers or even a pen. An hour later i run down skipping steps on the stairs to quickly print out all the drafts i had completed since the printer machine located at the lower floor (the one in our floor is broken :/ ), sealed them in their respective files, and send them to my boss' room for him to check for errors. After that, stretching arm, have another two sips of coffee & open a new file. Crazy. 

Adding on, 45 minutes driving to and from the office, dealing with heavy traffic every single day, doing big kid stuff everyday - im now officially an employed adult, a working adult, AN ADULT - so not funny :(

Im 11 btw, bye

P/s : this is such a short and messy blog post - really had no direction when I started typing haha but thanks for reading :D

DIY Lipstick Organizer

Im broke guys, seriously. this past few days i had been on and off from kiosk bertam and my grandma's house. kiosk bertam because i made frequent visit to Watson and Guardian to buy some makeup and beauty care stuffs etc etc. my beauty stuff obsession is currently at its prime, guys. rip my money. also, went to grandma's house quite often this week bcs safiya (my little sister) always wanted to play with her all time ultimate favourite play mate qamarina (my 5 yrs old cousin). and also my grandma always invited us to have lunch at her house so yeah. so today i made a decision to stay at home and enjoy my time of my life while it stills because im going back to dengkil tomorrowwww ! and the fact that i havent completed my assignments .. yada yada just make it worse.

back to business, yesterday while i did spring cleaning my room, ive came out with an idea of making a DIY lipstick organizer after i saw this few boxes. and today it is done !

i found out this two boxes are suitable to be used as a lipstick organizer according to their shapes. so i decided to paint it in white. it took me two days because i apply thick layer of the paint so that when it dries, the brown colour of this box will be fully covered. also to make it looks bouncy and creamy like a whip cream (?)  

left this outside under the sun for half day

tadaaaa

ready to be used ! i left half of my lipstick in college, so i put other stuffs first

yeayyy super productive dayy and ofcourse the satisfaction is higher when you the one who made it. this one is very effective and can be used for a longer time tho. it may be imperfect, flaws here and there but hey, give a pat to yourself because you made it. very cost-saving tho

the satisfaction face. plus, loving the warmth of morning sunkiss

oh and also one of  my recent purchase at Watson is Good Virtues Co Day Cream Moisturizer. I was overwrought looking at the packaging and grab it to the counter without any hesitation. also because ive read many reviews regarding it and it works pretty fine on them. the price also pretty affordable for its beautiful packaging and also the moisturizer comes with pump ! all moisturizer need to have pump guys !

also contain habbatus sauda (black seed) which made me eager to try it on because ive never tried any product containing habbatus sauda before and i hope it works wonder on me and i will try to make a review of it by the end of this month ! stay tuned ;D

so yeah, i should stop here, my homeworks ARE waiting. overall, i feel bad because this post is quite short since i have so many things to share, but i still hope this post will inspire you to try making a lipstick organizer, or ANYTHING with ANY RECYCLED/REUSED stuff from your home, on your own ! it doesnt costs you a lot, i guarantee all the tools required will not burn a hole in your pocket. and also u can help saving the earth by recycling all this stuff into something new and convenient to be used for a longer time ! Score.

well, i will end it here. thanks for reading. Au revoir <3

Favourites : January

we are one day closer to february and i already put a halt on my january ha ha. since my new year resolution is i want to blog more, so ive been thinking on updating my blog every month, even if there are nothing interesting to be blog-ed about, i will just write on things that favors me on that month, even little things like getting praised from madam marina (my prominent lecturer this sem) would be great and become highlight of the month ! surely i will brag about it on all my sns ! oh simplest things that thrill me ;)

overall, january has been kind to me but still it was a kind of hectic month, i was quite devastated every day with due dates looming, assignments piled up, financial problem, eczema, tests and umm peer pressure. but alhamdulillah i managed to survive it all. maybe because ive been good with managing my time and i taught myself to be grateful every single day no matter how bad that day was. it all started when i discover the benefits of writing a journal or diary since my topic of my persuasive speech is 'why youth should have an online journal'. so i did a thorough research on it and at the same time was impressed by the benefits of writing  a journal. then one day during new year eve, i went out with my friends to a mall and i drop by at mph bookstores and i bought this !

so far im on a good track even though there were a day or two i missed it. this small pocket-sized journal isnt really convenient because the spaces provided on each day is quite small for a girl with big handwriting like me, but thats not really a big problem. i used this small notebook every day albeit how busy or bad my day was, i still write in it because i believe soon when i flipped those pages, i would be proud of myself. such a peak to the olden days is fascinating right ? I am an extremely sentimental person and I love the idea of being able to look back at what I did, what I went through and what I've learnt whilst growing up. even though i have this blog, but of course not everything in my life will be documented. It's good to be a little bit of a mystery, yes ? and by having a small book like this, i can spill out everything without fear of judging from the others because this considered as one of my privacy belongings that i would love to only keep it to myself. Haha.thus, i can concluded that i had made a good kick start of 2017. maybe i will be doing the same thing on more years to come, perhaps?

Muet Result

surpisingly i got band 5 ! im beyond grateful since the fact that i was half-prepared (i left my muet notebook in college, so i depended on notes shared through whatsapp by my friends)

Broga Hikes 

15th January, Sunday i went to Broga Hill for hiking organized by my co-curriculum club, Youth Club. i hate it, of course. i almost giving up in the middle of the hike, but i pushed myself because i dont want my crush to assume me as a lazy l-ass. i must maintain a good image in order to impress him, right ? #blowingnails (my mom better dont read this). and also, chanting 'im not a quitter' and 'dont give up' works wonders on OBVIOUSLY-LAZY-ASS-AND-NOT-FIT-GIRL like me and FINALLY, I MADE IT TO THE PEAK HELLYEAHAHHH ! the view at the peak was captivating and breathtakingly beautiful, we arrived at the peak approximately at 10 am (started hike at 7am kot) and i was pretty impressed with myself. there were games held at the peak, all of us were delegated into groups and we were assigned to do cheers and decide a creative group name in order to bring home more foods lol. other than that was taking a lot of pictures. spent merely an hour or two up there and turns out turun bukit is a lot easier than previous despite of gravity pull, the trail was a lot safer and not slippery compared to the first one. i had so much fun back then..and ofcourse my whole body aching badly the entire week.  i must have aging a lot :((((

Flashmob

i joined flashmob team again this sem, if last sem i joined it in conjunction to Merdeka Day, this sem is in conjunction to LiteAp week. i dont know what has gotten into me really but i enjoyed dancing so much. but this sem's team was a lot boring than the previous, we didnt took pictures after we done it and it was plain boring. i didnt enjoyed it much but since we will getting coupons, it fine. my lifespan there is depending on how many coupons i collected guys. HA HA

                                                                                                                                      Palace of Justice

it was on a rainy friday we went to palace of justice to watch real trial held there but unfortunately the case was postponed to the other day. but lucky us, the polis bantuan there pitied us and he took us into the bilik bicara where the case are usually held and explained briefly on all particular things we need to know inside. he also cheerfully answered our questions ! but we couldnt took pictures inside since it was prohibited. 

so after done visiting the trial room + its library and museum, we did took pictures at the outside.

look at all those thick, hard-cover law reports, digest and journals from various law school and countries

#teamjubahhitam #antisocial

this was taken while we were on our way to mcd at presint 2. so much love for the photosss <3

Class Photoshoot Session

it was on tuesday when we agreed on wearing white and blue for the class photoshoot. but me being stubborn, there was no single blue thread on my outfit on that day ha ha. but overall the photos were all fantastic. introducing - L6

the only one thing that we were really good at ^

BOGUMMIES <33333

I honestly couldnt survived law school without this crackheads who always full of shenanigans.

                                                                                                                                Lets Talk : Makeup

disclaimer : im not good in makeups but I AM A SUCKER FOR MAKEUP VIDEO TUTORIALS ON YOUTUBE ! i downloaded quite many and watched them whenever im bored. so i had purchased the basic one - foundation, eyeliner, lipstick and they works magic even though they cost only a few bucks. i couldnt afford buying the expensive one from Sephora, come to think of it, i even bought those basics one from Watson and SaSa using my allowance money ! shame on me. since it never against the law to splurge your allowance money on makeups, why not? but whatever, i still want to share my new bb cream and lipstick i bought this month.

Garnier BB Cream

I bought this after i watched syifa melvin everyday makeup tutorial on youtube and it looks good on her. GUYS, THIS ONLY COSTS AROUND RM17 from watson and it was beyond good. the texture is light, coverage is good as it able to cover redness and uneven skin tone on your face. kulit pun tak rosak and it stays longer than i thought.

Wet n Wild Megalast Lipstick in 912C In The Flesh (this sounds like some sort of war weapons)


to be honest, all the lipstick i bought before are in pink and natural and lighter shades. so this one i bought from sasa in the code of In The Flesh is my first ever darker-than-pink lipstick and i laahhvvv it. Pinky-nude shade. Really pretty for daytime. especially when my mood is sombre and i wasnt interested to going to classes on that day (im still a skipping class virgin alhamdulillah) i will apply this lipstick and turns out it boost my confident. this make sense guys, dont roll your eyes reading this :') 

 One thing I love about this lipstick is that it is super pigmented. Like one swipe is enough, I swear ! Lasts all day. Also, they cost less than 25 bucks and have several dupes for MAC lipsticks. Score. The only con of WNW lipsticks are that they're quite drying tho. A layer of lip balm is a must for me. I hate the packaging, and I hate how it gets on my teeth sometimes. but im planning to buy more of their lipsticks in darker shades - Cinnamon Spice, Spiked with Rum, Rose Bud and Sugar Plum Fairy.

New Laptop

^^^^^^

still contemplating whether i need to boost around about my new laptop or not but whatever, i still want to share it here. since i entered college, i never had a laptop on my own. i brought the old-fashioned one (our 10 years Toshiba laptop) to college and some of the system had out-dated and it was very hard for me. earlier this sem i also begging my parents to bring our current new laptop because there were lots of works required laptop to do this sem and they pitied me and yeah things have been better but still, it wasnt mine and whenever i went home i need to share it with the others. then my dad decided that i need my own laptop and seriously, its a funny story to begin with. my laptop is in blue colour guys ! 

tadaaaa

my parents insisted that i should take this colour because its fun to look at , the colour is pretty and this is the only laptop there that comes with white keyboards. i was anxious on taking this at first but now, I DIDNT REGRETTED IT AND I LOVEEEE IT

 and now i irrevocably love anything with the colour blue. it looks animesthetic (anime + aesthetic) to me. although i didnt watch anime but this baby blue+white colour combination of this laptop always reminds me of kawaii japanese stuff. i dont know how to describe this but i love every inch of it. this laptop is the basic one for student like me who only use microsoft words/presentation, google and binge watching movies. and the price was pretty affordable the processor were all good.  the only cons were the battery lifespan was quite short and it drained fast. 

**

thats all for my january ! im currently on chinese new year break and im home for a week ! so many plans to catch up with my friends but honestly, i prefer staying home because believe me, ONE WEEK FLIES REALLY FAST.  i think that is all for now, hoping for a greater and blessed months, February please be fantastic !

Au Revoir