Hi ?

 Im just dropping by, by the way. Wow, the latest post was in February 2020. And now is October 2021. I miss this blog so much, I miss reading my old posts, especially when I was in high school, my travelling posts about Turkey and Seoul. A lot had happened, a. lot. I had graduated. I am now a pupil-in-chamber at a firm in Penang island. Actually, I have a task to be done but I got distracted. I don't really know what to write here. There are too much to tell. But I'm still writing in my diary tho. I write about my feelings, life updates. I hope I will continue writing journals until I turned 60. Im sorry for keeping quiet here. I miss all my friends who always interacting with me on this platform. I hope we can still continue doing that. Okay I think I gotta go. 

bye <3

my safe haven, hehe

All things Bright and Beautiful

After practically 3 months of not utilising my brain, my writing skills has becoming so rusty. You can tell by reading my latest posts (starting from..May?), albeit working part time at Shukor & Co for 3 consecutive months, which i admit twas the most productive 3 months of my life, it somehow doesnt helped me to be more intellectual in person. My mind works at a snail pace with it still remaining in hibernation mode. I need to change the way I live & engaging myself with more interpersonal/basic at-home skills- be a morning person, do more outdoor activities/gardening, help with house chores/cooking, less spent on my phone, spend more time with safiya, keeping my stuff clutter-free, read more non-fiction books, et cetera

Look at me, alive and Chicking

A little life update - i got accepted into Law school

For the first time in my life, i wasnt really thrilled about it. A plethora of emotions suffocated me at a time. I was grateful, it was my first choice after all. Some of my acquaintances didnt even get into their first choices. Some didnt even get to enter a university/educational institutions for their tertiary studies. I hope everything is at ease for them. All those hours road journey to Kl for an interview which only lasted approximately 15 bloody minutes, money spent along the way, physical and mental fatigue we felt, especially my dad who obviously didnt have enough rest due to heap of works he had in his office, it was all paid off, thank you didnt suffice !

The only thing that bothered me is im still unsure of my decision, i remember the scruples i had in studying law during my foundation. The rigours, the challenges that i had to tackle made me realise that it certainly isn't for the wishy-washy, weak-minded (cough*me*shrugs). And i dont know if im ready for the 2nd round, devoting my soul for another 4 yrs in this course. All in all, i eventually took it up. Ive come all the way for this, and i hope i enjoy my degree life as much as i enjoy my sem breaks, with EXCELLENT & CONSISTENT GPA, SUPPORTING MATES & FINANCIALLY STABLE WITHOUT BURDENING MY PARENTS MUCH & CREATING MORE MEANINGFUL MEMORIES AS A STUDENT. I believe if He has designed this path for me, it is really for me, He knows im able to do this. All i need is having faith in myself, give myself chance to do things out of my comfort zone, teach myself to not afraid of people expectations, always give best shots at everything which overall, focusing more in investing in myself. 

Here’s some quotes i live by, I dont remember where i read it, but it slightly sounds like this

The road you're trudging now may seem uphill. Keep trudging it. You will be able to strut proudly later on.

and

Remember what strength is? Strength is when you do not give up when everyone else expects you to do so.

I believe some of you had read those somewhere, i also do the same until now i realize how impactful those words in my dreading situations right now.

Feeling good? now lets hop into some less stress-inducing matters

Yesterday i went through all my old photos in the laptop, the 7 yrs old me, the 9 yrs old me, the 11 yrs old me, the 14yrs old me. I feel so content looking at those, childhood memories suddenly flooding my mind, and i cant resist keeping them to myself, regardless how ugly i looked back in 2010. I shared some of them with my closest primary school babes, Umairah and Sarah. From cursing each other to finally spill more memories which some i had forgotten ! It was fun, even though the conversation went virtually. It was so exciting when we discovered a lot more secrets of each other, our crush, boyfiends, boys we hate, girls we hate, how we managed to get boyfiends/secret admirers looking like that...hahahaha. We were so wild during those days, so carefree :D Did i mentioned our old photos? ohmygosh we looked adhoribble 

2017 us !

2010. what the actual..yes we looked adhorrible

It all started with one photo...which was the photo above

 their reactions are priceless, sarah is the most polite/naive among us, she just utter the f word hahahaha

 I will just share the highlights of our conversations. reminiscing our kafa days !

we used to have a lot of squabbles with boys, it even involved physical fights haha. Girl power, when its the boys' turns to attack, we ran into girls' toilet/prayer room to save ourselves. Genius.

Here goes the naughty part, reminiscing our lovey-dovey days. Imagine, we were only in standard 4, and already exchanged love letters with the boys in standard 6 ! It was in 2008 ! I couldve slapped the so-called innocent 10 years old me xD

 I LAUGHED SNORTS AND TEARS AT THIS. SARAH GAVE HER HOME PHONE NUMBER TO HER CRUSH, IN 2008, I RATHER DIE

see? one of the hottest standard 6 boys just asked sarah to date 

we were so wild and badass during those days, no wonder we always got vicious look from girls seniors, and i still remember one of them even spilled to a discipline teacher my relationship with one of the hottest standard 6 boy (even girls from other school want to date him!) after the news spread, we eventually became the talk of the whole school. fortunately the teacher didnt take action, or informed my parents, maybe because my grades were good, not even declining even though i was busy exchanging letters with him ! hehe

i couldnt exposed the rest of the conversations bcs a lot of names were involved & also a lot of humiliating experience were shared!

now, i realized i had an amazing childhood memories, we were so fun, yet carefree. we went thru ups and downs together, joys and tears, it was actually sad that i had lost contact with majority of us. however it feels more awkward to start everything from the beginning again, cause nothing will be the same. i promised with all my might, i hope the current friendship i had with all my friends and loved ones, will always strengthen from time to time, blossoming until death separates us.

USA, i still remember vividly how the 12 years old Umairah, Sarah and me creates the abbreviation of us. we came up with the name while sashaying to the canteen, for lunch break ! Ha-ha

'Tasnim'

Alfatihah, Tok Mariah . This morning, i received a whatsapp from my dad that my grandma, Tok Mariah had passed away. I was speechless. and i cried so hard, really really hard at 1.20 am. Morning the day before, i was already being informed by my mom about my tok's condition, that she was in critical condition already. And by the time I called my mom, she was in a complete rush driving to the hospital. It was an emergency case. And she asked me to pray a lot, and recite yasin. sounds like we're preparing for that 'moment'. Then i whatsapped my dad, and he told me that my grandma was fine.

The whole day (yesterday) i spent in the library from zuhur until 6.30 pm studying. I left my phone in my room, to avoid distraction (for sure) and also, i didnt want to receive 'that news' regarding my grandma. I was praying so hard that she will get speedy recovery, and she can go home healthily, and i get to see her soon during sem breaks.

That evening i called my mom, she picked up the phone with coarse, shaky voice. I knew something was not right. My mom said she was a lil bit 'busy', i pretend to understand her situation and hung up. That evening, i was actually damn sleepy. Bcs i had spent hours studying and my body was in restless state. I waited until maghrib, perform maghrib prayers, recite alquran. Then i decided to sleep after isya'. i checked my phone. No call nor messages from my parent/family about my grandma's condition. I also decided to not call em and still, i pray a lot. 

Done with isya' prayers, off to sleep.

*notifications ringtone* // *quickly grab my phone*

'maktok dah tenat, tolong baca alfatihah dan yasin banyak2'  - mom

Ya allah. I instantly get up from my bed, took wudhu and recite a few surah. I prayed so hard that my grandma will be fine. Clock strikes 10 pm, i shouldve sleep at that time bcs i need to wake up at 2am to study another subject.

- 

*bam*

My posters that i placed on the 'kepala katil' hit my face really hard. I instantly woke up. It's 1.20 am. The curtain swayed along with the strong wind. My bedroom was so cold, like 10 degrees colder than usual night temperature. The wind was so strong, the rain started pouring heavily. Everything on my 'kepala katil' (poster, clock and lotion) started to fall off and hit my face. Hesh.

'fine, im wide awake now'

I checked my phone. A whatsapp from my dad. 'Tok Mariah telah kembali ke rahmatullah jam 1.10 am'.

***

I love her so so much. She had been taking care of me since i was born. I spent most of my childhood time with her. I used to sleepover with my cousins at her house a lot, and we had carved so many beautiful memories together. Those days when she woke us up for Subuh prayers, even though at that time most of us were just aged 8-10 yrs. She prepared the most delicious breakfast for us, nasi goreng with the most succulent, mouth-watering scrambled eggs i ever had in my lifetime. Then we will follow her to grocery shop not far from her home, she will usually bought groceries to cook for that day, veges, potatoes, onions etc. And also, being a loving grandmother as she was, she will bought ice cream for us after we pretend to stare at varieties of icecream in the icecream tub. She bought the most famous icecream at that time, aiskrim kacang which i believe hard to get nowadays. 

Then my cousins and i will help carry the groceries bag for her, one hand carrying while the other hand holding the icecream. We walked home while enjoying the beautiful scenery of the sawah padi in the morning. My grandma didnt talked much, but when she's started talking, she give advice, she compliments, she shared stories. She NEVER scold us, her grandchildren.

That was the most beautiful piece of memories i  remember about her, during my childhood years. 

Growing up, i rarely visit her. Honestly said, im easily getting bored whenever we visited her. My house is the nearest to her, and we always pay a visit. So i wasnt really appreciating. I blamed myself for that. After 2 hours staying, i usually begging my mom to quickly go home. But honestly i wasnt that rude, during the visit ofcourse i had chats with her, helped her in the kitchen, like goreng cucur udang for hi tea sesh with my family. During ramadan, we always had berbuka time together,  performed maghrib prayers and spent time watching tv together while waiting for isya' and terawih. We will usually go home before isya', bcs my grandma always had terawih in masjid, and same goes to my dad. Before we go home, she always asked me,

'Tasnim bila nak tidoq rumah tok lagi?'

The only family member who call me Tasnim. 

Im sorry tok, i wasnt there. I didnt hv the chance to say thank you. I wish i had. Thank you for taking a good care of me, for raising me up, for everything i wish i can list every single thing here. You mean a lot to me, and i wasnt there during your last breath. I believe youre in a better place now.

Alfatihah, tok

Alhamdulillah

Hi assalamualaikum

Its been a week since i updated my post a day before spm result come out, and alhamdulillah all i can say for my result. I expected more but i know Allah has a better plan for me, i have faith in him and i believe life has much more to offers after this. Spm is not like the end of the world right. And life is not all about good grades. It is (also) about how we learn and how we move and progress from there. 

At this moment, i want to convey my gratitude to my parents who always love me unconditionally, give motivation and support spiritually and financially. Only Allah can repay all your kindness and sacrifices. And to my teachers, thank you so much for helping me through thick and thin, give moral support, sacrifice some of your family bonding time just to spend all day with us doing revision. And finally to my friends who never looking down at me whenever i need your help in any topics i dont understand, im speechless and thank you doesnt suffice. True, only Allah can repay all your sacrifices and kindness. And alhamdulillah ya allah, thank you for borrowing me all these angles in the form of human who always loving me and praying for my success. Thank you so much 

Honestly, i dont even know what im gonna do with my life after this. I’ve talked to my mom about this matter almost everyday and in the end, im still here. Confuse and lost. I dont even know what im doing on this planet. But i just realized one thing, life after spm is such a miracle when all of sudden i get to know so many people, getting new friends from all over the world. Talking about college with my mom also tighten our mother-daughter bond and seriously, we spend so much time together and my love for my mom and dad is beyond everything in this world.

Funny when all of sudden im now still keep in touch with my primary school friends. So funny that all of us have grown up, 18 years old hahahahah. We have so many throwback moments to talk about everyday and i cant stop laughing reading our chats on our whatsapp group. Other than that, some of us also coincidently met in real life and its funny to see each other have grown up, looking mere different in looks and body size etc. And im grateful to have all these people surrounds me in this life

I also make friends from driving school and we still keep in touch until now. And also my favourite sister, rabia where we met in turkey. I also contact my sisters from london, and kak farhana from michigan. I read her blog since 2011 and i adore her so much. I cant be more than grateful when these people always praying for my success and keep giving useful tips and suggestions for me to choose a college soon. Alhamdulillah

They turn my frown into smile, lifted my chin up everyday and i cant be more than grateful ya allah. Thank you. 

Anis tasnim, im proud of you already my dear self <3

Cappadocia, Ankara, Istanbul - Highlights

Assalamualaikum everyone !!!!!!!

See the exclamation marks there ? It shows how excited i am to continue the final chapter of my turkey stories. Yas, final chapter since my procrastination game going so strong these days..im honestly not really busy as you expected. I just dont exactly miss it all the time day and night stuff, but there’ll be random moments when there’s this powerful surge of longing for the wonderful architectural buildings, gorgeous sea, magnificient mountains, azure blue sky, wondrous fresh air and of course those moments enjoying the tranquility of the snow-covered field at dusk - touching the snow barehanded is one of my favourite moment in my life. Its painful, but the feelings of reminiscing one of your childhood dreams is above anything. haha

So today im not going to list all the itineraries (thanks syahidah for spelling this word for me) of the following days after the cappadocia, im just going to highlights the most wonderful moments we had there and inserts more picturesss for you bcs i know some of you doesnt even read what im writing but only looking at the pictures. I know, picture tells thousand words kan -,- so lets proceed to no 1

Yuna

Yup we met yuna !! It was such an unexpected moment she was in front of me when we’re queueing for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. I cant help but took a lot pictures of us together from inside the hotel until the outside where it was freezing cold but still managed to take pictures together. She was very very kind and down-to-earth person and pretty and so tall :/ i started to admire her after we met hahah silly me

autograph

in the hotel's restaurant

fatty me

i told you, it was freezing cold plus i didnt wear my gloves  bcs i want to hold the autograph punya kertas nampak tak teruknya aku. just realized i didnt even zipped my jacket.. jeez i must be really insane

Hot Air Balloon - Cappadocia

Second highlights of turkey after istanbul - cappadocia. I guess this place has become well-known after the Manisnya Cinta di Cappadocia movie which was famous for its hot air balloon ride scene. the moment i stepped out of the bus, it was freezing. Like, damn cold. Here in cappadocia was definitely a lot of degrees colder than in istanbul but the hot air balloon ride was definitely cannot be missed. I swear, it was the most mesmerizing an hour balloon ride ever. The view of cappadocia from the sky was priceless. Before i forgot, the hot air balloon ride is located in Goreme, its the place where there are a lot of massive stones and chimneys on top of them and its super cute. They’re weird but super duper cute. It feels like you’re walking into the other side of the world where people live in a stone with doors and windows and chimneys as their roofs.

dont be fooled by the pictures, it looks sunny but it was -6 something !!

Pigeon Valley - Cappadocia

Before the hot air balloon ride, we went to pigeon valley. Of course there were pigeons. But the valley, mashaallah its beautiful. And we also had lunch there in a restaurant. The walls are glass and we’re surrounded by the valley which was super enjoyable moment while having our lunch. The view was picturesque and we cant stop taking pictures there

After visiting the pigeon valley and the hot air balloon ride, we went to jewellery and ceramics shop. Place for the oldies...

Ankara - capital city of turkey

So the next day we were heading back to istanbul and on the way there, we dropped by at ankara which is the capital city of turkey. So here we’re visiting the mustafa kamal attartuk museum. I still remember the freezing cold weather until i cant even bend my body and i cant feel my fingers anymore. It feels different but exciting. I took a lot of pictures with the turkish but later then, i wasnt sure if theyre really turkish or russians bcs its so hard to recognize the turkish. But whatever, theyre damn pretty and there were also soldiers there and yeah theyre handsome - and looks young

Bosphorus Cruise - Istanbul

Finallyy we met again istanbul !! My favourite city. The moment when i saw the blue mosque on my right side and haghia sophia on my left side, i cant be more than grateful that im here again in istanbul, the city that i’ve been dreaming to visit one day is now where i am. I couldnt stop looking out of the window even though all it was technically seeing was old buildings, but it was beautiful and historical.

So bosphorus cruise was basically one hour and a half boat ride along the marmara sea. And i swear again, it was the most mesmerizing 90 minutes boat ride ever where you can see the magnificient buildings in istanbul and also the palace where sultan muhammad al fateh lived. and during the bosphorus cruise, you can see where east met west. The east part of the turkey (and the rest of the world) is on your right side while the west part of turkey (and the rest of the world) on your left side. Amazing huh

Topkapi Palace - Istanbul

Topkapi palace was once lived by sultan muhammad al fateh or is known as sultan ahmet by the turkish. The best part about this place was where we saw relics of Nabi Muhammad saw and his sahabat ! There were so many swords, hair from his beard, kaabah’s lock, baju besi, jubah saidatina fatimah, jubah hassan and hussein, nabi muhammad’s footprint, tongkat nabi musa, besi nabi daud, serban nabi yusuf and many many more ! But we couldnt took pictures inside bcs it was prohibited... and the security was kinda tight, but it was a blessing to see all those stuffs =)

Spice bazaar & Grand bazaar - Istanbul

It was our last day in turkey already and all of us were having this mixed feelings -happy but sad. Happy bcs we miss malaysian’s foods really much and sad, of course. It was sad leaving this beautiful place. So before heading to the airport, we went to spice bazaar. Of course its full of colourful spices and turkish delights but the price here were quite high but never mind, only in turkey kan. Plus we also had to finish our lira.. We bought a lot of colourful spices, tea, turkish delights etc. Same goes to grand bazaar, we bought a lot of souvenirs here and some weird designed stuffs.

But the thing that i admire the most about the turkish, after we finished shopping at their shops, they’ll recommend us other shops which sells different things from them..which is something that need to be instilled in malaysian people. Helping each other business rather then mendengki rezeki orang lain. Baru lah hidup sejahtera kan kawan kawan :)

So yeay alhamdulillah dah tamat episod turki hihi fuh. Hilang segala kegusaran di hati. Hopefully this year dapat travel lagi inshaallah and i pray every one of you who reading this akan sampai jugak ke turki one day. Tak kisahlah pergi travel ke honeymoon ke or on work purpose tapi the feelings pergi tempat orang tu memang different. Yuna pun cakap, kalau boleh kumpul duit untuk travel. Seriously, go travelling daripada simpan duit beli handphone baru pastu makan tempat2 hipster, better pergi travel sbb duit boleh dicari, tapi pengalaman tu sekali tu ja weh. Example, even aku dah sampai turki, tapi soon bila pergi lagi the feelings memang different. Tak sama walaupun kita dah pergi tempat tu. I hate it bila orang cakap pergi travel ni sebab nak show off, like the hell banyak lagi benda nak show off dah kenapa nak labur duit smpai banyak camtu just for the sake nak show off ? Doesnt make sense at all. Em, so i should stop here sebelum aku mula complain tentang perangai orang malaysia ni huhu..

So, till next post guyss. Au revoir !