Tasks lining up to be completed, but here's me sat on my mattress, thinking about other things i need to accomplish by this week. Going into twelfth week of my third semester, things are getting crowded on my plate. I can never keep up to be honest, school has been so draining, my mind just get so tired at the end of the day. Tests after tests, assignments after assignments, taking 23 credits this semester is extremely exhausting to be honest. Sometimes I lost track of days, my circle getting smaller but that does not bother me nevertheless.
Last week and a week before has been very busy, I had such a crazy week. But before that, this early November I had the privileged to visit Uzbekistan ! Ok firstly, I know whats lingering on your mind, Uzbekistan is not the typical travel destination popular among most Malaysians like Western Europe or Korea or Japan, I also do have the same thought when my dad told us about the trip but believe me, its not disappointing at all ! I loved Uzbekistan! The people there were very friendly, the food there was so good and there was so much to learn and observe. I love travels where I get to learn from people and where I see new perspectives in life – Uzbekistan did just that for me. But behold, when i finally managed to get myself together, I will blog about it soon !
Back to square one, I went to uzbek during mid semester break, which is nice because thats when I finally get to meet my family after two months living away from each other. This trip was so so great and up until this day theres still this powerful surge in me wanting to walk in cold weather, touching autumn leaves and learn/explore new things everyday. Its fun. When the trip ended, as soon as we arrived kl, my parents straightaway sent me to shah alam because I have assignments piling up and tests coming, i was quite disappointed because I didnt get the chance to go home in Penang, but that the sacrifices I have to make, which i really hope will be paid off soon. I actually ended up my trip with a very bad fever and cough.
In the midst of studying for the tests and completing my assignments, having severe headache is a no joke. I ended up getting two days medical leave from doctor because my body temperature is super high - 39 celcius. I have a terrible sore throat, terrible headache and I refused to eat anything because Im too weak to even get up. Its saddening to be honest, being alone at home while your roommates went to classes and took the tests really give you the room to overthink - read : letting the bad thoughts swarm in. Its frustrating.
Having to go through this, whatever it is....is hard. That is when you really evaluate your potential, really ponder upon your life, whether doing all of this is really worth your time which is now, I ended up making wrong decision and one of them is letting go the person who dearly love me and I dearly love :( due to my overthinking-ness. I do hate myself for that, it kills me but sometimes it makes me wonder why I even allow myself to be hurted, why I myself disrespect myself, me, after all this while.
It took me a while to recover but sometimes it feels like my days never ends, its a continuous and a never-ending falls into a bottomless pit. Everyday I end up crying in bed and self-loath. The cycle repeats, repeats, repeats and bloody repeats, I want it to end. Even two days ago, suddenly again my health deteriorates when I suddenly puked uncontrollably and it really drains me. I cried and cried, wanting it to end soon. I was so much in pain. I feel like, I will never get to see the rainbow after series of rainstorms i've been thru.
I feel like I still have a lot to share but now it seems like my burden has been lift up a bit after this spilling time in this small white box, so refreshing to be honest. Thanks for willing to spend time reading this, I hope Allah eases everything for us, Amin
