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23 August 2014

form 3

back in 2013, i might describe myself as a stubborn person alive.why ? because i am the only prefect who broke the school's rules. i have reason behind all this, but still i felt so guilty about that. people be like, 'pengawas pun langgar peraturan'. that really made me crush. bukan kehendakku, tapi terpaksa.

'everything happens for a good reason' - nik nur madihah. i believe there are a lot of positive values i gain from my problem. true friends. bila dah jadi macam ni, hanya true friends yang akan ada di samping kita. i do have, a lot. and they are all kind-hearted.

but the others ? cakap belakang, mengutuk, fitnah aku semua ada. i'm tired of all that, i cried a lot. im dreading of everyone. at school, i pretended to be fine. smile, laugh at people's jokes. people will describe me as a jovial person. even in front of my friends. until one day..

masa tu, waktu solat zuhur. since i cannot solat (ABC), i went to astaka asrama, place where all the ABC girls have to zikr while the others solat berjemaah. haaa i still remember, masa tu hari pertama trial pmr. so, my mood was fine. on the way to astaka, my friend anis raihanah requested me to accompany her to the hostel, to drink water. i'm like, ok lah, jom ! sampai ja asrama, kami tengok ramai yang duk kat situ, tunggu turn nak minum air. i remember all their faces. i do remember. they are all my batchmates.

then, came this girl. her name is 'tuuuuttt'. she came to me and said ' wei, pengawas pun pakai baju kain licin ! dimerit dia, dimerit dia !'. i was kind of, embarrassed at that moment. how she point me out like that in front of my friends. everyone was silent, act like nothing happened. i know they care about my feelings. but this girl.. urghhh that was an obnoxious thing to say ! i almost cried. i just kept quiet, no words came out from my mouth. rasa macam nak sembelih ja pompuan ni. i dont want to argue, because i know she have feelings too. so, i just kept quiet, and told myself to be patient. but deep in my heart, hancur lebur.

from that day, her face was the most nauseating face i'd ever seen in my life. i hate her very much. i always pray bad for her. dulu k, dulu. tapi, aku bukanlah seorang yang suka berdendam. because that made me sick. so, i just forgive her. eventho she never asked for my forgiveness. but, i always bear in mind that 'forgiving someone not because they deserve it, but because you need peace'. *shrugs*

since then, i always note in my mind that,' jangan cari pasal dengan orang yang tak pernah buat pasal dengan hang, tak kisahlah teruk mana pun dia'. got it ? yay. because you dont live to be perfect. tak payah nak highlight flaws orang, mulut tu kena jaga, nanti masuk neraka tak guna dah nak taubat.

tu cerita masa form 3 dulu. hahah ! now, i need to focus on my life as a form 4 students. tapi, tahun ni aku jadi baik dah. hahaha maklumlah senior kena tunjukkan yang baik baik kat juniors. jangan salah faham, tunjuk baik dan tunjukkan yg baik baik are two different things ! there are more adventure, labyrinth journey to come ! till next entry, au revoir !

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