Midnight Thoughts

somehow i feel like, i had waste a lot of time in my life, since im thirteen until now, sixteen. when im in primary school, i was once a clever student, who always attained excellent grades every time during exams. i am clever at almost everything, i am good at time management, im a very hardworking girl, i have soft spot for my family, old women and school, i always represent my school in so many competitions such as nasyid, story-telling and others. i also had received Best Student trophy in primary school level from kdsm (koperasi dagang seni malaysia).  i dont miss myself when i was around 10 to 12 years old. but i miss being who i was when im 10 to 12 years old. oh it was sad reminiscing the old times

nowadays, my exam results have always become a big let-down to my parents. i used to keep my mouth shut every time my mom ask about my exam results, or i just let her know the subjects with good grades. my mom is not stupid, but im feeling bad for lying to her all this while. im not lying, i just dont want to make her feel, disappointed with me. im just a bad daughter. i know, the very excruciating pain she had to bear while giving birth to me around 4 am in morning, how strong she is raising me and my other sibs up until who we are now, how beautiful her heart is, always be the best motivator, counselor, and more importantly, always pray for me so that i can be a successful person. I'm sorry for being such a nuisance to you. I'm sorry for not spending most of my time with you.im sorry for raising my voice while talking to you whenever im stress (ya Allah forgive me !!). I'm sorry if my presence only cause you anger. I'm sorry for not being a good kid. I'm sorry for being a disappointment to you. ya Allah please...please grant the most significant person in my life, both mom and dad Your jannah. because they really deserve it. and ya Allah, please forgive my unforgivable misakes that id made all this while

Success is the best revenge - Kanye West

my favourite quote that inspires me all the time. revenge ? yeah because im not a loser, im a winner. im going to be the winner soon, im going to change my life now, with success inshaaAllah. i believe that i have a better future, i believe that i will have a blessed life soon, i believe that i can make my parents happy with myself. im sick being who i am right now, that feeling when your results is among the worst in your class. i hate it. guys, do pray for my final coming soon, i will make a revenge..